well its been so long - you can tell 4 kids at home, and part time work has been crazy

and now I added taking the real estate course to get licensed. Unfortunately the day I passed my exam I realized I had to send to New Jersey for some additional documentation and it cost $50.00.  Money is tight and now that makes it worse.  Well, it is sent and now the wait is on.  I can't even schedule to take the NC exam until I get the papers and then make application to sit for the exam.  Hopefully I can get licensed by July 1st.  That is the local renewal date here so I would start and have a whole year before I have to pay to renew.  The fees to get started are big.  A lot of people take a small business loan but with our financial position, that isn't going to happen. 

Well the best part is that I am now a single mom.  Not divorced yet but separated since Sept 14.  Easier to get a divorce if you wait a year.  Hopefully I can find the money for a good divorce attorney to be sure all my rights and my kids rights are protected.  I started back to college again because I need a Bachelor's degree to pursue my dreams and take good care of my kids. 

I also need to learn to spend less than I have coming in.  Been my problem all my life and I also need to work harder and complain less.  Oh well, enough insight.

All 3 little ones will be moving to the next grade.  The pool is open so we've started swimming and playing.  I have my oldest home in local college for one more year before she goes away to college so back up is present but space is tight for another year.  I can live in the living room for as long as it takes to keep my kids safe and us happy.

New kitten in the house, abandoned kitten in the neighborhood & the neighborhood kids knew who the softy was.  Was about 4 weeks old and now is very happy and well.  Funny thing though- she growls at her food.

The girls' birth sister visited us from Ohio and that is a blessing, as they get older they keep in touch electronically as well.  The left girl is Theresa, my 11 year old, the middle girl is Megan, their sister, who is 13, and the right is my daughter, Laura who is 10 years old.  Little guy is my son Robby who is 9.

My son and his wife live only about 1/2 hour away from their sister so hopefully we will get up to visit one and all.  My sister is 1 hour away, and I have a cousin a couple hours away.  (the second photo is me with my first ex and the happy couple)

its been awhile

school starts in 2 days - yeah I made it, almost.

older daughter started college today.  books cost tooooooo much!  that is so bad.  oh well, we get through, we always do.

freedom at last, I can do what I need during the day without trying to separate fighting kids.

they have been so bored part of the summer, back to school will do them a lot of good.

this is what I have been learning to do over the summer.  I knew how to needle tat for just over a year and July 4th weekend I starting learning to shuttle tat.

As we enter the last month in the summer

now that August is here we are counting down the days to the beginning of school. My oldest daughter starts back to college a couple days before the kids but then their first day is one of her days off.  So my first day totally freee of children is the day after they start back.  Oh well, 62 will come soon enough and then my youngest will be off to college and I'll miss having them home.  In the meantime, summer drags on.  My husband almost orders us to go swimming sometimes, he is worried we are wasting our poool membership and it takes some of the joy out for us.  At least the kids love it and don't want to leave after they are forced to go.  Well another day.

life as usual

summer is toooooooo long!  my youngest is acting like he isn't on any adhd meds and I would never take him off his meds.  he is such a hand full.  I think the kids are bored but I am stuck in the other room with the dog or the dog chews up the furniture.  Life is too challenging right now.  The future will be better but there are a lot of things that have to fall in line first.

crazy in the summer

took the kids to the bounce house today.  some very small little kid kept annoying them and even started kneeing them in the back.  I don't understand why parents don't deal with their kids.  If my kids were annoying strangers I would step in and if they were physically aggressive I would leave with them. 

Oh well, maybe the mom was having one of those bad days we all have.  I know there are days I wonder if I will still be sane the end of the summer.  My youngest goes off over very little stuff and my youngest daughter goes off when you tell her to do anything she doesn't want to do.


I used to operate from fear, always doing whatever I needed because I was afraid.  Recently I realized I make a lot of decisions from guilt.  My guilt over things I have done living in fear leads me to make decisions because my kids haven't had the best life.  So they get by with too much and I am not an effective parent.  I'm working on it.  Its funny how I wouldn't let my kids run all over anyone else but they run all over me.  I know I don't deserve it but yet it happens.  My kids are well behaved with everyone but me.  That hurts.  I was raised in a very dysfunctional family and now my kids are being also.  It is a totally different way but dysfunctional is dysfunctional.

Summer is in full swing

I am so happy we belong to a nice pool with great lifeguards.  The kids and I swim almost every day and it is so relaxing.  The kids play a lot in the water which helps get their energy out in a positive way and I take a book and my tatting with me for when I don't want to be in the water.  I got a data card to use at pool so I can hook to internet and work but haven't really used it yet because right after I got it, we had a week of weather in the 90s and I didn't want my computer sitting around in the heat.  I am still working as a real estate assistant and planning to get my real estate license here.  In a perfect world I would find a job I love and be able to make enough money to survive.  Not happening now but there is always another day.

I'm sorry to say my other daughter isn't visiting for the summer, she is attending summer school up north where she lives and it will keep her school skills intact and allow her to socialize with her friends.  My heart breaks when I think about going another year without seeing her but maybe a trip for a couple days would be possible.  Money sucks so not sure yet.  Going to Hilton Head using our time share (Disney Vacation Club) for a couple days and that will make the kids happy.  Beaches are not my thing at all but my tatting will be with me and they have a pool.

It's been awhile and summer is here!

I started working part time from home on the computer and that is taking all my time these days.  I'm also playing with html coding for a future website after I get my real estate license.  I am tatting on and off right now as I plan to do a couple craft shows before Christmas.  My daughter, who I taught to tat, is better than I am at it.  She is amazing.

All the kids passed to next grade.  Had an honor roll student, another who got a serious improvement in the only subject she struggles in, and my little guy had his typical good grade card.

We are swimming almost every day but with the pool comes treats.  My will power is low and I put 3 of the 28 pounds I lost back on.  Any one reading this want to form a "diet posse"  with me and provide mutual support and encouragement?  I don't diet which is probably the problem, I mostly watch the carbs and sugars and protein to be sure the sugar and carbs are down and the protein is adequate for my needs.  I get very sleepy if I eat sugar.

More tomorrow.