life as usual

summer is toooooooo long!  my youngest is acting like he isn't on any adhd meds and I would never take him off his meds.  he is such a hand full.  I think the kids are bored but I am stuck in the other room with the dog or the dog chews up the furniture.  Life is too challenging right now.  The future will be better but there are a lot of things that have to fall in line first.

crazy in the summer

took the kids to the bounce house today.  some very small little kid kept annoying them and even started kneeing them in the back.  I don't understand why parents don't deal with their kids.  If my kids were annoying strangers I would step in and if they were physically aggressive I would leave with them. 

Oh well, maybe the mom was having one of those bad days we all have.  I know there are days I wonder if I will still be sane the end of the summer.  My youngest goes off over very little stuff and my youngest daughter goes off when you tell her to do anything she doesn't want to do.


I used to operate from fear, always doing whatever I needed because I was afraid.  Recently I realized I make a lot of decisions from guilt.  My guilt over things I have done living in fear leads me to make decisions because my kids haven't had the best life.  So they get by with too much and I am not an effective parent.  I'm working on it.  Its funny how I wouldn't let my kids run all over anyone else but they run all over me.  I know I don't deserve it but yet it happens.  My kids are well behaved with everyone but me.  That hurts.  I was raised in a very dysfunctional family and now my kids are being also.  It is a totally different way but dysfunctional is dysfunctional.

Summer is in full swing

I am so happy we belong to a nice pool with great lifeguards.  The kids and I swim almost every day and it is so relaxing.  The kids play a lot in the water which helps get their energy out in a positive way and I take a book and my tatting with me for when I don't want to be in the water.  I got a data card to use at pool so I can hook to internet and work but haven't really used it yet because right after I got it, we had a week of weather in the 90s and I didn't want my computer sitting around in the heat.  I am still working as a real estate assistant and planning to get my real estate license here.  In a perfect world I would find a job I love and be able to make enough money to survive.  Not happening now but there is always another day.

I'm sorry to say my other daughter isn't visiting for the summer, she is attending summer school up north where she lives and it will keep her school skills intact and allow her to socialize with her friends.  My heart breaks when I think about going another year without seeing her but maybe a trip for a couple days would be possible.  Money sucks so not sure yet.  Going to Hilton Head using our time share (Disney Vacation Club) for a couple days and that will make the kids happy.  Beaches are not my thing at all but my tatting will be with me and they have a pool.